Liam: 10 truths, 10 lies, 10 bizarre facts

So I found this really cool writing exercise online where you write ten truths, ten lies, and ten bizarre facts about your characters and I thought it would be fun to do for the characters in A Collar For Christmas, my current WIP. Here's Liam's.

Liam:

Ten Truths:

1.      An actor is all he’s ever wanted to be.

2.      He’s had problems with anxiety since he was a toddler, but the panic attacks didn’t start until the 7^th grade.

3.      He’d never had long hair before he got the part he plays now, but now that he’s grown it out to his chin he loves it. He hopes he doesn’t have to cut it for any upcoming roles.

4.      His eyes are so dark brown they almost look black.

5.      He hates the clothes his character wears.

6.      He’s not good at making friends.

7.      People often think he’s distant, but the reality is that he’s too sensitive to let himself connect to everyone and everything.

8.      He calls his mother every day.

9.      He’s thinking about adopting a cat from a rescue shelter.

10.  He hates to read, but he hates to admit that.

Ten Lies:

1.      He thinks he’s ugly.

2.      He’s not attracted to every male actor in their cast.

3.      He’s not needy.

4.      He hates his sister.

5.      He thinks the writers for the show have no vision.

6.      He wishes they had a different director.

7.      He thinks he’s the best actor in the cast.

8.      He’s never dressed in drag.

9.      He’s never been arrested.

10.  He’s never hooked up with someone without knowing their name.

Ten bizarre facts:

1.      He can’t spell the word apologize to save his life.

2.      When he eats pizza he does it in steps; toppings first, cheese next, then the crust.

3.      He likes ice in his milk.

4.      He’s still good friends with the first boy he ever had a crush on, even though Tommy’s straight and knows Liam used to like him.

5.      There were only 52 people in his senior class.

6.      Lavender is his favorite scent.

7.      When he auditioned, he actually read for a different part and when his agent called to tell him which part they wanted him for, he thought it was a horrible fit for him. Now he realizes how wrong he was.

8.      Steven Tyler was his first celebrity crush.

9.      He doesn’t believe in God, but he believes that all things in the universe are connected spiritually.

10.  He tried to be a vegetarian in high school; it lasted four months.

No Need to Explain

I really debated on whether or not to post this, because I fear it will come out much more like a rant than anything else, but I just feel it has to be said. I've been reading a rash of BDSM novels recently (and one last night that prompted this) that all tend to try and explain a character's need for BDSM play. I think it's a very fine line these authors are walking and more than a few of them are putting toes (or whole fucking feet) on the wrong side of that line in my opinion.

Let me be very clear here in that there are as many different sexualities as there are people. Everyone has a certain set of emotional needs that can be met through sex (or the lack of, in the case of those who identify as asexual) and that's why we register certain things as more arousing than others. So, that being said there are all kinds of things that could make these emotional needs present themselves.

It's possible for a person to work through a traumatic event with kinky sex. It's possible that neglect from one's family could make them interested in kinky sex. It's possible that anxiety or other psychological disorders can make one enjoy kink. It's possible that previous relationships have driven a person to seek a different type of relationship dynamic.

All of those things are possible, but they're not necessary.

Sometimes people are just born with those needs. Oftentimes it's just part of their personality. I myself enjoy submission and was never the victim of a crime, never neglected by my parents, was involved in a healthy loving relationship when I started exploring kink. There was no "trigger" for these desires popping up for me. In fact, they'd always been there, they didn't "pop up," I just finally got to a point where I felt comfortable exploring them. And that's how it happens for a lot of people in the Scene.

I think authors who feel like there has to be a reason, that "normal" people don't have kinky sex, that their characters have to be flawed in some way to enjoy BDSM are doing themselves, their characters and the Scene a huge disservice.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes having an identifiable "explanation" for these desires works for a character. I've done it myself in some of my books. But there's an art to that. To simply portray a desire for BDSM play as a simple cause and effect scenario almost runs into the realm of kink-shaming in a way. It creates this perception that people who manage to go through life without having any of these "triggering" events in their life don't practice BDSM, so therefore only fucked-up, traumatized, unstable people do, so it's something to be ashamed of, or at the very least something to be hidden away.

To me it all comes down to satisfying needs. Does the sex your characters have satisfy their emotional needs and do the scenes you write reflect the satisfaction of those needs and the search for that satisfaction? If so, then I don't think it matters where those needs originated. But if not, if you don't portray the desire for BDSM play (except in the cases of experimentation or curiosity) as a deep emotional need it's almost like saying it's a choice. Similar to those people who think sexual orientation is a choice and not something innate. BDSM can be a choice, it can be just a bit of fun, just a bit of experimentation, but for most of us in the Scene, it's not. It's a need. A need that sex and kink and the relationship with our partners satisfies in a way that nothing else can. I'd just like to see it portrayed as such in more fiction